it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
