i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
