Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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