You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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