Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
