I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
