when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
