My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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