so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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