Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
