idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
