The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
