I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
