What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
