I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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