meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
