Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
