what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
