is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
