We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm getting married
To pizza
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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