I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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