a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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