"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
