does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
