My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
