I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it glows. i had to have it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
