hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
