i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
