I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
