No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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