You smell like a Billy Joel song
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i love accidental penises.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
