I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize