so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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