so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
