dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
