we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
