Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dear god my vagina.
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