hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
