And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
