ugly people sure do ruin things
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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