i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
