my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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