New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
