...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
