Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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