After last night, I could never be a politician.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
