i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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