last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
