Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
