You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
