Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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