we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
