dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
