Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
